I've been called a bitch many times in my life. Sometimes to my face... sometimes behind my back.
For a while, I wore it like a badge of honor. My scarlet letter if you will.
Often people called me that because I didn’t let them push me around. Because I wasn’t towing the line. Because I was being assertive. And because I was a woman. All at the same time.
This was all true.
But it is also true that I took on the role as my identity.
This was a coping strategy that I developed early on.
As a child I learned that connection was only available when I conformed. So, if I wanted to feel loved and accepted, I needed to do as I was told, often at the expense of my own wants and needs. That was the role of the coping strategy.
So, I learned to:
people please to get/keep connection, but be resentful and angry about it. Low Key Bitch Mode. Or,
fight to ensure my needs were met, but antagonize others and lose connection. High Key Bitch Mode.
These became a pattern in all areas of my life. But neither path felt good to me; or to those I was engaging with.
As an adult, even when these strategies were no longer serving me and were no longer necessary, I was still tilting at windmills, playing Don Quixote.
I had lost touch with the very needs these strategies were created to protect. I needed to get back to me.
I have found that, in our society, one of the biggest roadblocks to our fulfillment is that we have become so out of touch with our own needs that satisfying them is nearly impossible.
How can we build fulfilling lives and relationships if we don’t know what we need or desire?
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭.
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭.
𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭.
Learning to identify and express your needs and desires authentically, clearly, confidently and compassionately, allows others to do the same. This creates harmonious dynamics where all involved feel seen, connected and invested in the outcome.
Visit my website for more information on how to work with me.
Have a bitching day!