The Hidden Agenda of Perfectionism and its Root Cause
Updated: Nov 10, 2023
I recently read a post with a quote that, just a few years ago, would have triggered the bejesus out of me. It read:
“Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly.”
Let me introduce myself. I am Linda. And I am a self-proclaimed, recovering perfectionist.
I remember one day in high-school when the teacher was announcing all the students that had a 90+ GPA. When my name was read, I barely raised my head and kept writing. One of the other students jokingly said “Look at her, she didn’t even acknowledge it.”
I didn't. I already knew I was on the list. But I was also embarrassed.
I was not used to receiving praise.
You see, what most people don’t realize is that perfectionism is often a strategy we develop to cope with an environment that is extremely critical of us; consistently telling us we are not good enough, that we are not worthy. An environment where we feel unsafe and unloved.
As children, we often equate parental approval with love. Criticism or disapproval from our parents is equated to loss of love and connection. So we create strategies to avoid it.
As we become adults, we extrapolate that experience into other areas of our lives, often in detrimental ways.
We live in constant fear of being disapproved of; of losing connection. So we have to be perfect.
Any mistake we make haunts us and reinforces what we already believe about ourselves. We feel anxious about what others think of us and constantly judge and shame ourselves.
As I started getting deeper into the root causes of my unhealthy dynamics, it became clear that perfectionism was just another way to protect myself from the unbearable pain of disconnection.
That awareness alone opened the door to some deep healing.
If this resonates with you, it is ok.
This strategy helped and protected you for a long time. But if it no longer serves you; if it has become too heavy a burden; if it is now getting in the way of you finding joy, relief and fulfillment... it is time to consider letting it go. Let me know if you need help.
❤ You do not need to be perfect to be loved.
❤ You do not need to be anything to be loved.
❤ All you need is to be you.
❤ That is enough.
❤ You are enough.
❤ You are loved.
To learn more about working with me click below.
I am a Spiritual Life Coach & Emotional Healer who came to this work as part of my own healing journey. I am a Certified Practitioner of Teal Swan's The Completion Process (CP), a Certified ARCH Healing® Practitioner (C-AHP) and a Certified Soul Realignment™ Practitioner. I completed Dr. Gabor Mate's Compassionate Inquiry Masterclass. And, I am also a co-author of the Amazon Bestselling book Woke: A-ha's, Awakenings, & Illuminations on the Path to Conscious Living & ENLIGHTENMENT and several other works.
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